ASK MORE QUESTIONS!!! :)

Ask more questions! 


Growing up there was sort of an unspoken rule from my Dad that you don't ask questions, you just do what's asked of you.  My Mom on the other hand wanted us to ask questions more, but she herself wasn't aware that she didn't ask us a lot of questions when teaching us something so we thought that meant we shouldn't ask questions either.  Today it's fun to be able to talk with my Mom and learn more about her perspective as opposed to my child's view.  I am so thankful to have a good relationship with my Mom and to be able to grow closer even more today.

    As I have discovered that, I have wanted to apply that to my children, by asking more questions.  Along with that I have noticed that it's so easy to live my life with out communicating my feelings and emotions, or my process of healing with God, or things going on with my husband,  to my children... I am not saying I share everything, but I have found that sharing my process out loud clears up a lot of misunderstandings for the kids.  Even just explaining why some days I am more moody than others, or if Ruslan and I are having an argument, explaining that I am frustrated but not at them. Also asking them if it scares them when we argue in front of them sometimes.  They have said sometimes it bothers them but mostly they have recognized it's not leading to something dangerous like divorce, and I feel it's important to have them see that a marriage isn't perfect and we do have our bad days and have to work through disputes just like them as siblings.  They obviously can fully relate to that one. I have noticed that it's just natural for me to go talk to my husband or friends or siblings about my issues or revelations, or great ideas, or God encounters...and I still forget sometimes to share some of that with the kids.  Therefore I have had to make a point of learning to talk OUT LOUD to my kids when God does something neat in my life, or when I am frustrated about something, or when I am working through a challenge, or even talking about the fact that I am still learning how to be a better Mom with them.  And it's so fun too to hear their hearts and ideas, and to hear their life struggles, I have noticed it stimulates them to talk more about what's going on inside of them as well.  I absolutely LOVE hearing the inner workings of my children's minds and hearts, they give me great insight at times. Plus their perspective is just awesome.  This all leads to an openness to just step right into ministering to them as well, whether it be praying through a difficult situation with a friend or dealing with thoughts that they don't understand, or worries they have, or fears about God or the future, puberty, a confusing thing they saw on T.V. something someone said to them etc...  I can't always be sure that they are telling me everything but I trust that they have learned by example that it's good to share your heart OUT LOUD so that they can get input and insight and not feel all alone in a family where they are so loved.  

We have also been working on being aware of love languages, I wrote them on the dry erase board so that I would remember who has what and in what order, because they each have two primary love languages.  It's so fun to purposely love on them in their love language, I can totally see the look of fulfillment in their sparkling eyes when I speak out those encouraging words, or give a tight squeeze as one of them is about to run off to play a game.  I still forget some days and raise my voice (the kiss of death) to my "words Of affirmation" child, or get annoyed when my "physical touch" child is crawling in my lap squirming around and putting his head right in front of the work I am trying to complete on the computer, etc...But I have stopped being so hard on myself (most days) and realize the other grace that I have found in talking through things, is I can just as easily re-tie strings of emotional connection that I untied, if I am willing to humble myself and apologize for my harsh words or short fuse, and they are so quick to forgive. 

I have been so THANKFUL when they do ask questions about misunderstandings because I would have been so sad to have them think something was a certain way when it wasn't! For example:
We were driving in the car and talking about gifts and I happened to be telling Ruslan that I found out "gifts" is my 3rd love language and I hadn't realized that, all these years.  So then we were talking about gifts and what we like and don't like.  Ruslan starts to tell me that he really does NOT like getting candy as a gift for some reason, and at that moment he happens to look back and Ian is listening in, and suddenly Ruslan remembers Ian's last gift to Ruslan was CANDY! And he can see by the look in Ian's questioning embarrassed eyes that a wrong message was just sent!
"Oh no, Ian I DID NOT mean that at all. I mean I totally love it when it's from my kids, because there is a major salary difference there, it's the heart that matters to me, it means a lot to me that you would pay your own money to buy me anything.  I love when you get me candy Ian. I hope you understand what I meant."
Ian was put back at ease as he understood his Papa's explanation. And said "Oh ok, I was wondering?" 
 I even said after that, I am so glad we noticed you listening Ian! And I always want you to ask questions if you are confused or hurt like that, I would have been so sad to think you might have thought Papa didn't like your gift. We all got a good laugh, and "Phewww!" moment.

Hope For Ruslan and Jessica Part 4

There were definitely times we connected on a fun level, but I never knew if Ruslan could tell how much I liked him now, because he was really good at completely HIDING his feelings, IF he had any for me??? We played a lot of volleyball on teams, Jeni and I hung out a lot at the pool with Ruslan and sometimes others too. Jeni and I attempted pushing him in, and found ourselves both in the pool and Ruslan with a hurt thumb or something. I pretty much always tried to be near him whether he realized or not, I didn't care, I just really liked being around him. I was always so interested to see when God was touching Ruslan or speaking something to him through different speakers who came to our school I wanted to know God's heart for him too. I was once again even more impressed with this powerful man of God. He was also an excellent speaker. We did this project where we were supposed to write about a characteristic of God, funny, loving, joyful , etc...and then share our insights with the class. We pretty much all felt shamed by our presentation compared to Ruslan's, he had a natural talent for speaking, I was so proud.

Also some really revealing shallowness on my behalf, I remember watching him play basketball for the first time and being unimpressed, and that was one of the first months of knowing him. I hadn't seen anything else yet, but I do remember wondering if I could like someone who wasn't good at sports, haha! (I hadn't seen him play soccer yet) Yes I had some vanity, big time! Thankfully God started revealing to me more of what really mattered.

Finally! It was a week before leaving for our outreach to China and all of our money had come in, which we were doubtful would happen. But miraculously both Ruslan and I received the rest of our money anonymously, and unexpectedly myself, from my Great Grandfather Poppy, whom I don't even think really supported the whole idea of what I was doing...but I knew he did love me, God is good.

I felt released to give Ruslan ANOTHER letter...DONT WORRY!, not a stomp on your heart type of letter, but a letter asking if we could at least still continue getting to know each other as friends and not lose that, which was really valuable to me. I also apologized for hurting him, and said some other stuff. I took the letter to him and asked if I could talk to him. This time I literally read it out loud to him telling him it was easier for me to read the letter so I wouldn't forget anything I wanted to say. I was really nervous and felt kinda cheesy, but I kept reading. I finished it up, and asked,

“So, do you think we could at least be friends?”

Not surprising, he basically said, “Sure.” and walked away.

I know I probably deserved that. But hey there was HOPE!.. I think.

The next week we left for China, Ruslan got stopped in Canada with visa/passport issues again, and he had to fly alone separate from the team, because he actually had to take a different airline. I was so bummed to be flying with out him, (he wouldn't arrive til late after us). I had already concocted a plan how to sit next to him on the plane, darn it!

You can see why sometimes asians would come up to me and start speaking to me wondering why I couldn't understand them! :) I guess I did kinda blend in

The next morning after we arrived in Hong Kong, I woke up and came out of my room anticipating Ruslan's arrival. As I was walking down the hallway I saw his shoes in front of the guys room, I could feel my heart flutter! “Oh, Lord, I so want this to work out?!!”

The first week there were a lot of emotions through out the whole team, people feeling culture shock, issues that weren't discussed with each other back at the base, team mates getting annoyed with each other, missing home, tired of eating peanut butter and jelly toast for every breakfast, 99% humidity and about 90 degrees, (I had NEVER experienced such sweating in my life!) yet still the excitement of being in a different country and bringing the Lord's presence. I remember crying one day in my room on the bunk bed, feeling like it was so hopeless with Ruslan seeing how he still gave so much attention to Jeni and wondering if he had deeper feelings for her. I felt like he WASN'T acting any different towards me, even after the note.

train corridor

We thankfully got to take a 30 hour train ride, I say thankfully because of what transpired. As I mentioned before no exclusive guy/girl relationships, so that also meant no alone time together. Well Ruslan was sitting at a table in the corridor of the train and there was enough space from the open bunks and train sounds that I could sit by him in the open and actually have some privacy. We ended up talking for about 6-7 hours straight! I was able to be totally honest with my whole summer process, and why the note, and where I was at now, how difficult it was to wait and trust God, and how much I was interested in him now. He also shared his side of things and that he did STILL have feelings for me, and that he had chosen to completely lay me down and had asked God to take away all feelings for me so he wouldn't be suffering throughout the school having hope for something he thought was completely dead. We shared our perspective on different incidents, I asked if he did like Jeni (I had to cover all the ground!), it was amazing! I felt like my heart came back to life! I was so excited and couldn't contain my smile from ear to ear.

Suffice to say, the next 4-6 weeks in China were pure bliss! It didn't matter that our bus broke down on our drive to the great wall, and that 8 of us had to push it, it didn't matter that Mcdonalds was like the best treat we could eat because of being so tired of chinese food, it didn't matter that one of our hotels was so bad we found toe nail clippings all over our half brown stained carpet that would become infested with cockroaches once the lights were out, it didn't matter that the guys stayed in the basement of the hotel with multiple other strange room mates,... Ruslan had feelings for ME!!! And he was starting to show them. Thankfully our hotels did get increasingly better as we traveled on. We had so much fun on this adventure together getting to know each other more knowing there was hope for our future...together. We did get talked to a couple times by the leaders, saying we were being a little too exclusive. We continued writing a couple letters back and forth through out that time as well. He even bought me a Mcdonald's ice cream one day, I had no money at that point so that was awesome! He knew the way to my heart, ice cream.

Mcdonalds!!!

Ruslan standing by ME!!! :)

To be continued...

NOW...they are embarrassed to talk "bathroom talk."

So I have been checking in with the kids asking them about their bathroom time and their consistency and level of difficulty or ease of going #2 and they are acting so embarrassed to share!  Yet at the dinner table or every other second of the day I can't get them to STOP talking "bathroom talk," sheesh, you'd think they'd be excited to actually have PERMISSION to talk bathroom talk hahaha!

Well I am super excited to have so much more energy! And the famished feeling I was feeling for the first 5-7 days has finally vanished, now I don't even crave breads or sweets! I can't believe it! It's kinda like when God frees you from a wrong thinking pattern and after a few weeks or so, suddenly you realize..."IT'S GONE!" Oh my gosh that feeling that was all too familiar I just grew comfortable with, is actually gone, really gone! I am free! :)  

I was so unaware of how much lack I was living with. I thought maybe it was just still recovery from birth and lack of sleep (which of course played a part) but looking back I have always tired so quickly when standing stationary for too long, even cooking a full meal, or when I used to wait tables, I was soooo stinkin exhausted by the end of the night! Basically I am a high carb girl but I was getting it from the wrong sources, breads, sweets, grains, chips, crackers etc...WHEN in fact I should have been eating more veggies and proteins to fill me and carbs as the side dish or side thought. I am one that basically used meat as a seasoning hehe.  Oh and the pain in my neck and shoulders has MAJORLY subsided, I didn't realize I was carrying so much buildup of toxins in my muscles and shoulders and neck was where they would try to escape the most. :) God really is so amazing how He made us.  

Annnnnd... I have noticed those areas that like to collect cellulite, have started to shift considerably! Yes I did have cellulite! Yippee, now to work on the muscle gain. 

Ian's crocodile skin has started to clear up considerably! He always had really bumpy rough skin on his lower legs and arms, and it's majorly changing.  Ian even said one day: "This diet is really changing me, I cleaned our room really good and I actually liked it!"

It was a costume party in case you didn't figure that out :)

Joel is peeing a lot more! I know it sounds funny, but I realize it's his body ridding itself of toxins and he is eating really well, trying things he never would have tried before. He even enjoyed the eggplant!  Joel is asking at the store, "Can I buy this? It's organic Mom." 

Daniel loves the peanut butter banana pancakes they have saved him from the eggs. :)  I am hoping to see this change in lifestyle help strengthen his teeth.  Unfortunately I have passed on my weak teeth to my son :(  But I am praying and believing for that to change. :)

We had our FIRST SPLURGE. It was for Tyler's (cousin) 18th b'day and graduation party.  The cool thing was my sister Autumn made so many delicious homemade appetizers that weren't far from our gaps diet needs! But the ice cream sundaes were our major splurge.  I found it very exciting to see that I could taste how overly sweet it was and didn't even desire seconds, that is except for her DIVINE homemade caramel sauce!!! Oh and I actually didn't even want the pasta covering on the ravioli and didn't want the white bread with the bruschetta, I just wanted the tomatoes and sauce! I was amazed! Annnnnnnd I found it easier to recognize when I was full and I wasn't even tempted to over eat as usual when there is so much good food.

My lovely sister Autumn and her 18 year old son!!! My little nephew!

Mercy Ruth the Great! (portrait session)

Mercy Ruth is a beautiful young lady.  Full of spunk and tons of personality.  She is super sensitive and thoughtful yet so full of life.  What a lovely young woman.  I am excited to see all that God has in store for this bright eyed wonder!

I love you my darling niece!

Aunty Jessica

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