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I love life! I love the multifaceted things about it and about God.  I love to enjoy each day to it's fullest. I love my boys and I love change!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My (not so hidden) ADDICTION...

 These are a few photos of my life lately. Of course right now I am feeling like my main activity in life is pumping milk and nursing. Thankfully fourth time around, I am aware that this season does  eventually end. However I still have to remember to prioritize, as my Mother so wisely reminds me, my number one goal is, to eat well myself.  I have recognized how easily that slips thru the cracks, "oh whoops I forgot to eat again."  I sometimes don't even have a moment to feel hunger, I only realize my famished state, once I start cooking then I am rummaging through the cupboards trying to find ANYTHING edible. Hence the importance of not having junk food stored in those cupboards. I still have not fully arrived in this area. We did just finish off the marshmallows in some delicious marshmallow popcorn last night, trying to get rid of the last sweets so that we can get back on track. "Back on track" for us lately is one "sweet day" during the week and then weekends free to eat sweets.  It's a start. :) (My Mom would still think that's still a lot of sweets but she's probably not fully aware of my addiction... OK yes she is).


As I went off on that unexpected tangent I realize that that is a big focus right now for us. Getting healthy and being wise and realistic about the needs of our natural bodies.  I am finally aware of how food really can and does affect my mood, my energy, my spiritual life, my wifely "privileges" (I was gonna say duties but they aren't duties) Mothering tasks, etc, etc, etc...

I found out recently (within the last 3 years) that I had a tendency to live in a fantasy mentality.  I began to have my eyes opened as I had a conversation with a sister and I was putting two and two together, every month at a pretty similar time of the month I would be extremely irritable and impatient and grumpy with the kids and my husband...I know this might sound silly and obvious to some of you but I was in denial that anything "natural" like periods, food, allergies, pregnancy, lack of sleep...had any affect on me. Only "weak" people got affected by those things. I know it's horrible and arrogant, and believe me a TOUGH place to be.  I didn't allow myself to feel what I really felt, and I didn't know it was OK to have needs. So when something did affect me and I couldn't DENY it, I would be PISSED! Yes Pissed! Cuz that would mean I was weak, not spiritual enough, messed up, failed, got slowed down... and the list goes on. Wow I had no idea I was so hard on myself.  Well Praise God He has continued the process of teaching me what it looks like to be a healthy woman emotionally (yes I have emotions, I was surprised too, and it's not bad) spiritually, and physically. It has been an incredible journey, and STILL so much to learn.
 These precious boys have opened up a whole new world to me, one of freedom, joy, disorder (they added to my already existing problem) loudness, silliness, not taking myself too seriously, love, loyalty, humor, and the list goes on and on and on and on.  God definitely knew what He was doing when He gave me 3 boys. I always say that He gave me a second chance at being a better sister (now Mother) than how I handled my 3 little brothers. I had no file for boys, they are just so different than me haha. :) And I now realize, it's wonderful!
It especially cracks me up how much this little/big guy my 7 year old Ian reminds me soooooo much of my younger brother Gabriel. He challenges me always, keeps me on my toes, has a mind always churning, is one mission minded, and has the softest teddy bear heart ever!  I miss you Gabe. :)

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