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I love life! I love the multifaceted things about it and about God.  I love to enjoy each day to it's fullest. I love my boys and I love change!

Thursday, April 3, 2014

What if we've had it all backwards with our lives?

What if we are supposed to raise our children and be there for our children and THEN pursue our "career" after the children have grown? Or to intentionally find things to make a living that involve our children?

Joel and his Papa




 


Now I know this might sound ridiculous to some and especially for some who have waited til a lot later to have children, but what if there's truth in this?

my hot rugged man working from home

Love his availability for coffee dates!

I have thought a lot about the state that we are in right now as our family has grown and years have passed and Ruslan has off and on wondered why he isn't still successful in the standards of this society.  He doesn't have the career that he imagined he would at this age (37) the money or the house that he pictured as a matter of fact we are still renting.  Each time we approach the subject it seems that God is continually pointing to the faithfulness of my husband, the great success he has had in being there for our children, in becoming the most amazing father husband ever (in our lives)!  I only see great fruit from the fact that Ruslan never got tied up or caught up in being at work all the time or studying for his degree so long he missed out on the children.

Melt my heart moments of Papa and Daughter

 

I know this might be touchy for some, and I am NOT saying that those things are wrong, not at all.  I am just wondering WHEN those things are actually supposed to come into play in a person's life who wants to have children and a family, a husband, or a wife.  I have seen the fruit of our children's lives as they have had total access to their parents and availability and openness to talk and discuss life with them.  My heart has exploded with the joy and deep satisfaction of watching my husband be interested in my teenage sons life, asking him every time he returns from time with friends, "How'd it go? What are your friends up to lately (knowing their names) truly finding interest in what Daniel does and what he's into.  I have seen the security in our teenager knowing that he is loved always, and protected, held accountable taught about the consequences of his decisions, heard, and that he is known.  

Watching my 2 year old daughter be able to climb up on Daddy's lap being welcomed every time and applauded as she comes in saying "woot Papa, woot!"(Look! Look!) As he adoringly gasps with pleasure at her new outfit I just put on her.


As we are considering the prospect of Ruslan working outside the home asking the children what their thoughts are, each one asking:

 "Does that mean Papa would be gone everyday?" (Joel`6 yrs)

"It's OK we don't need him to work somewhere else, because we have enough money, I really like Papa being home everyday." (Ian 10 yrs)

"I really like being able to visit with Papa everyday whenever I want to." (Daniel 13 yrs)

 

I am starting to hear a very clear message here.

I think it's in the heart of every child to have access to their parents, not to have the big house the beautiful car, the fun "things" without the parents being available.

I realize we have to make a living to raise a family, but I think there's more to it than that.

Our children need us. They desperately need us.  I just don't want us to fall into the trap of the "norm of society" that we are to sacrifice our children for our career.

Love his hands with hers

 

I honestly wonder if we aren't supposed to sacrifice our career and success for our children, or find things that make us still available to them, until they have come out of their very tender, mold-able, easily influenced state. I don't even know how that would look fully. But it's something I have really been pondering. I have seen the beautiful fruit in the security and solidness of our children as both my husband and I have been SO extremely blessed to have been able to be stay at home parents for the last 8 years (myself all of their lives-amazingly enough).

All I know is that I remember after getting married and seeing that my husband had to go to work everyday from 8-5, as I stayed home alone waiting for our son to bloom and grow inside my belly, I thought: 

"This is not what I signed up for! God I don't want to just be hone alone and not have my husband except for a few hours in the evening and weekends? I want more than this. I know it might sound ridiculous and impossible God, but I want my husband home, and I want him to be available to our children as they come into our lives."

I see that God heard my cry and He's willing to work with anyone who cries out for more, He makes a way where there seems to be NO WAY. Wow Lord God you are so faithful, thank you!

 

Don't be afraid to ask for the impossible, He wants to show you that with Him all things are possible, how awesome is that! Don't be afraid to think outside the "norm" of life and the cycles or ruts we've gotten caught up into, we may not even recognize that we are stuck in some things. Don't be afraid to ask for more than you have.


5 comments:

  1. Interesting topic. I think my husband shows tremendous faithfulness to make the sacrifice of being gone everyday from 8-5. Yes, he would rather stay home with us, but he has a very successful career that also impacts the lives of other people's kids. There is more than one way, and I know that Hudson feels his dad's love as much as he would if Ish worked from home. I think it's naive to say that just because you have kids, you have to put your career on hold and sacrifice "things" just for the sake of being a parent. Kids will learn what you teach them. I am glad that it works out for Ruslan to work from home, but it is not realistic for everyone. We are all on a different journey, and it looks different for each family.

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  2. Jessica, this post is very close to home. My Ben and I have had many conversations on the subjects of careers, the "Big 5 Bedroom Home w/A Boat in the Driveway," the $5,000.00 in the savings account and so on. All, so far from our reach because we have chosen to lay down both our lives for the sake of our children. When I read the responses your children shared about Ruslan possibly going to work outside of home, I about cried! The generation our children are facing is way different from ours. I believe the pressure to remain righteous and pure is way more difficult than when I was in school. It is true, that our children really, really need us to be accessible to them. I believe without a doubt, that as Christian parents, when God grants us children, we are to lay down our lives for them and daily build a solid foundation of hope for them so that when they are grown, they are girded and grounded on truth. It is worth it! You and Ruslan will have a great reward for your sacrifices! :) Be blessed my beautiful friend; love you!

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  3. I think it's great to recognize and appreciate the blessings you've had, but encourage you also not to be afraid of changes. If God is leading your family in a new direction, He will hep you find a way to keep the connections!
    We have had years where Scott worked from home--both self employed and for a company. We've had a few years where he travelled quite bit. We've had a few where he also worked delivering pizza at night to make ends meet. Some where he's been on call and had to get up in the night. And some where he has traditional office work hours like now. There have been hard things and good things about most of these-- sometime we had a lot of time together, other times we got to travel along as a family, having a set schedule is nice but it's also nice to have flexibility. As our kids have gotten older and had more outside activities, we have to adjust things all the time. With sports and stuff, we found we were missing some dinners together, so we always had breakfast/coffee all together each day. We meet up at a park or get lunch sometimes on Scott's break. We find ways to get the time together.
    I do think it's good to evaluate the trade-offs for making more money and what you will gain or give up for that. Hope it all works out.

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  4. Kassidy thank you for sharing your thougths. I totally agree and as I stated I don't think it looks the same for everyone and not even that it looks the way we have done it. I also was saying that what I would want is for people to be wiling to sacrifice career or things IF it's taking from their family connection. I think Ishmael does a wonderful job prioritizing you guys! Hudson absolutely knows he's loved by you both!! Praise God.

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  5. Alyssa I appreciate your input and do take it to heart you have definitely had more experience in life and marriage. I am open to the change now for sure, I have just noticed the importance in the early years. We are def praying each time an opportunity presents itself.

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