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I love life! I love the multifaceted things about it and about God.  I love to enjoy each day to it's fullest. I love my boys and I love change!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Sharing my process OUT LOUD. :)

When we first had the plan to move to Eugene Oregon, it was all quite sudden. As in we decided a month before we moved! We were in a tough place in our home business, we were about to lose our house to foreclosure in CA, we had moved to Redding 2 1/2 years prior, (because of a wish of mine for 10 years that Ruslan granted me), and Ruslan blurted out the idea of moving to Oregon. I kinda laughed and then saw the seriousness in his eyes. 
"Oh you are serious?" I pried further. 

So we prayed looked at our situation and saw that we really didn't have anything holding us to Redding, (well except that I personally wasn't quite done yet), but I knew it was my turn to follow Ruslan's desire, He always wanted to try Oregon, and he kinda just wanted to try something completely new. As we prayed at different times one of the things the Lord spoke to us was that we would be learning more about "community." I thought that rather odd, coming from a family of 10 children, I thought I knew community quite well!

Here we are 2 1/2 years into our lives in Eugene Oregon and I completely see how I had NOT known true community.  First of all, props to Christ's Center Church for fully embracing and loving on this struggling family as we began to rebuild from what felt like brick one, of our foundation in finances and direction.  We felt so loved and supported as we let people into our process.  I started recognizing that one of my past ideas of letting people in was getting through the struggle and sharing the testimony of my victory AFTERWARDS.  So we started being more vulnerable and sharing our feelings of despair, frustration, losing hope, lost vision, and just plain anger at certain situations.  We saw how people began to completely surround us and bare our burdens and pray with us, give us gifts, offered groceries sometimes, spoke hope, and believed in us, even provided Christmas presents our first year! We were being blessed beyond measure, and we felt so loved, and NOT ALONE. 

One of my big issues before a lot of my healing processes; through SOZO inner healing, and God's love melting down my walls, was thinking that I needed to always figure everything out on my own, and that I needed to be perfect, it was a tough standard to live up to, and very lonely.  I have watched others reach out beyond their struggles and love on us, and it has taught me so much more about giving love as well.  I didn't recognize how that lie I was living under also made me quite selfish, cuz it was all about me figuring it out on my own, so I always had to be looking out for myself. I was so blessed by the three photographer's in my church who fully came along side me and poured into my business as if it was their own.  All since of competition and fear completely dissipated, I was embarrassed to have even had those feelings. Jaymie Starr, Anne Nunn, and Cassie Wicks, thank you, thank you, thank you! My eyes are being opened to all those around me, and I want to see how I too can help others.

Raw Life

Raw Life
Contentment.

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