I love having a teenager!

I was at the salon the other day and a nice guy was cutting my hair and we ended up talking about having teenagers.  He mentioned that he didn't know what that was like yet, but he wasn't looking forward to it.  I started talking about how much I was enjoying this new stage with my son becoming a teenager, and how I actually loved having a teenager.  He kept cutting, and had a quizzical look on his face as he said:
"I have never heard anyone say that before?"

So that's what brought on my blogging for today.

I think God must have put that into my DNA but I love to challenge the thinking of anything. Not in a negative way or trying to make someone wrong, I seriously just enjoy dissecting, mulling over, turning upside down, looking at every angle of every situation or statement made.  I am sure this annoys some people, and I am not trying to annoy you, but I seriously enjoy this process of finding out where someone is coming from, how they see the world, and how I see the world, leading  to always wondering God's perspective.  I have also learned to keep quiet in this process within myself, unless it seems helpful or encouraging.  So my intention in this blog is always to encourage a new thought process, not to say yours is wrong.

I love seeing all his diff styles he tries

As Daniel (my 13 1/2 yr old) has started to grow into the young man that he is becoming, I have seriously enjoyed the process of watching his maturity, his mistakes, his learning, his wisdom, and his new thought processes.  It is so enjoyable to see him try out this new life as he makes new friends, finds his niche, tries new things, and just experiments with life as he goes. I have felt such peace and reassurance as I know that my husband and I are in this together.  There are times that I know I am overreacting as a mom and I check in with Ruslan to make sure Daniel isn't being too daring, too harsh, too mean, too risky, too independent, isn't pushing the limits too much etc...Ruslan is there to reassure me that he is only a boy, and a teenager.  I love the trust we have built and are still building as we entrust Daniel with more and see his responsibility strengthen his foundation, and we entrust more to him.  A few keys that we have found extremely helpful in this process are the following:

Not getting upset when I want to experiment with more photos :)

Be transparent/honest

I have learned that I myself have to be completely honest and real with my feelings and and let Daniel know when I get my feelings hurt by him.  We have to admit when we hurt him and apologize for stepping on his toes, or making a decision without finding out his heart on it first.  Also we have had to make it VERY clear how important honesty is on his behalf.  If we can't trust his word then we can't trust him to be away from us, because we can't see what he's doing all the time.  He has learned to value this trust and keep that bridge strong, he wants privileges, and above all he truly wants us to be proud of him.  
It's not always easy to be honest about when I get my feelings hurt or when I need to be strong on an issue that I know he won't like,  but I see our relationship changing and maturing.  As he becomes a friend to us in some ways and we with him, he always knows we are still the Parents and he may not always agree with our decision but he too has to trust us and our heart for his best.  We have to tell him when his joking with us crosses the line, or when it's perfectly appropriate.  

 

Trust him/ equip him - know that he WILL make mistakes

 I was so excited when I asked the Lord a few years ago, "OK Lord what is my role as Mama, with Daniel now as he is shifting from training and discipline?"
I immediately heard the Holy Spirit say, "Equipping."
I was thrilled, my spirit got excited, I knew this would be a fun stage. I love to equip people, and part of that is beginning to trust them and entrust them with things to grow and learn in.  I don't have to be so involved in training and discipline so much but listening, coming alongside, offering suggestions, correcting critiquing (occasionally, but mostly encouraging), hearing how he processes, listening to his thoughts and ideas on how to handle situations, guiding him with his ideas, admitting that I don't have all the answers but have a lot of experience to share.  Enjoying who he becomes.  Knowing that Ruslan and I have a strong relationship and that in itself is a HUGE safe haven for Daniel to learn and grow from.

Be involved/be interested in what he's interested in his life
I love watching him in his new world.  We all remember the day he decided to go long boarding for the first time in our neighborhood about a year and a half ago, and suddenly he befriended half the neighborhood. :)
 He is learning how to be a peer, how to serve others and consider them as people, how to help his friends in their struggles with life, how to make wise decisions in the midst of pressure from friends to do things he knows aren't the right choice for him, how to stand up for his beliefs and morals.  Ruslan and I love asking Daniel how his time was with his friends and just listening to how their time is spent, the silly things they do, the not so wise things they sometimes try (and we make clear boundaries again), and we know he probably doesn't tell us every single thing but we trust his heart and he wants to do what is right and good, he wants God's best for his life when it all comes down to thinking that through.

Connect him to God/live that example

I know without a doubt God's got Daniel's back. I also know that Daniel without a doubt knows who God is.  We have taught about God our whole lives, but not only that he has seen God be a reality in our lives.  He has learned to hear God for himself and spend time with Him to make Him a priority.  I am not saying he does this all the time, but he knows that's what he wants, God has revealed Himself to Daniel and spoken personally to him about his life.  That is something only God can do and I am thankful that we could lead him in that direction to find God.  Daniel knows he can always come to us for questions about God and seeing our example of daily living in communication with the living Holy Spirit.  This bring so much peace to my life and heart as a Mama. 

I love seeing him interact with his lil sister, seeing him play piano

Listen

This in itself can be one of the MOST valuable tools of all next to God of course.  So many times I get myself in trouble with just spouting out my way of seeing things with what I think Daniel means
and then half way through I think about the fact that I didn't even ask any clarifying questions or where he was coming from, or if he has more information.  I have to be a safe place for him to process out loud, with out coming in like a sledge hammer with my ways of doing things or seeing things.  Especially because we are the complete opposite in relating to people.  I have no problem with verbal processing, boldness and openness and saying what I really feel (in love of course) he on the other hand is a peace maker and is very pensive about how he makes someone feel, he wants people to feel safe and loved and cared for (which is an incredible gift), I even learn from him now in some things, it's such a beautiful exchange and growth that happens as we too as parents are vulnerable and real, but still knowing our place as the final authority and having more wisdom in experience and years than this new teenager (even if at first he forgets this :)).

Marriage isn't just about SEX (part 2)

Sorry to leave you hanging for so long.. :(  Yep, life happened again, for some reason it doesn't stop when I stop?

So I was feeling so confused and alone... (read part 1 if you are haven't already it will help you understand this better)
Finally I got up off of my bed.  Trying to have some time alone with the Lord to get answers wasn't working.  I needed to get outside of my mind, I needed a face to face with someone. And I knew I needed to share with Ruslan what was going on but I felt so afraid to share with him because I didn't want him to worry that it was worse than it was...but I think the truth is I still hate when I am weak, especially when it comes to insecurity because I have believed that if I share when I feel insecure, it will make me seem less lovable, less "all together" and beautiful. 
I came into Ruslan's office at home and sat down trying to not seem too pathetic, he asked what was going on.  I just started spilling out everything that I wrote on part 1 and he listened very lovingly.  I then realized from saying it all out loud, that because I felt rejected by some people I love, I suddenly was afraid that Ruslan would want to reject me too, and so therefore, I started rejecting myself before he could even get the chance (so strange how control works).  I realized that in my feeling "single and attractive" when being out by myself that day, I was still believing the lie that if I wasn't attractive to the world anymore then Ruslan would stop being attracted to me.  I started thinking about how NOT perfect I was and how my body was not the way I wanted it, and it was starting to scare me again to think of aging, and losing my attractiveness.  So then I had spiraled way out of control into a big fat lie!  Yet part of me obviously still believed that lie because it felt so real, so true.

The more I talked to Ruslan the more I realized as a child, I saw that my father wasn't faithful to my mother and it seemed that (from a child's perspective) once she became "unattractive" in his opinion, (gained some weight) he got bored and started looking somewhere else...being unfaithful, which then led to divorce.  So to me that meant once I get older, or gain weight, then Ruslan and I would stop being intimate and Ruslan would get bored and go find someone else.  Which also translated into
marriage = sex.  Our culture seems to say good sex is only when you have a perfect body and a certain size breasts.  Therefore, I was afraid that soon I wouldn't fit that description anymore and it was inevitable that someday Ruslan would be bored and done. What a horrible feeling! (It was pretty subconscious though sneaking up here and there)

Ruslan so kindly assured me of that being a total lie and that he didn't just marry me for sex (haha it even sounds funny saying it, but it felt so good to hear the truth breaking through that lie).  I also broke agreement with those lies that I believed since a child, and I asked God for His truth...which was so cool, because I heard him say Ruslan will never divorce you.  It just felt so reassuring because I know that God knows Ruslan's heart even more than Ruslan.  Ruslan of course confirmed that as well. :)

I definitely saw once again how much the Devil hates marriage especially successful marriages, and he has been using a very strategic plan to destroy marriages and make people believe that the exciting more alluring thing is never committing, and only focusing on the outward appearance.  I am so sad to see that so many of us have bought into it.  But praise God for His help in unveiling the lies, and for bringing inner healing and health.

Women we are getting a 2nd chance! It's not too late!

 

www.jkalashnikovphoto.com

www.jkalashnikovphoto.com

A few weeks ago, the year 1975, was highlighted to me 3 times in one day. So I decided to look up things that happened in 1975 in the world, as I started to read through events, certain events stood out to me like a soldier when a general enters the room (Kris Valloton), and I began to write them down.  The more I began to write the more excited I became! I could see a theme here. I feel like the Lord is giving women a 2^nd chance.  Not that He ever gives up on us, but I feel like a national call to women is going out from the Father of Lights.  In 1975 He tried to release a powerful movement of women, but for the most part the Devil got in and stole and perverted the call. Instead of women rising up in their identity in Christ and walking in the purity and powerfulness of their destiny; they began to try and stand on their own, apart from God, apart from men, they decided that we are indestructible and we don’t NEED ANYONE!  What God truly wanted was for the women to recognize their glory IN the Lord, He wanted us to shine with HIS glory, not our own strength. 

So NOW IS THE TIME, for women to come to the Father, and lay down our “all powerful” prideful ways and cry out for help, and embrace the design that God created: our need for relationship, our need for Him,  recognizing the power of a covering and submission out of love and intimacy, the embracing of accountability, the stability of trusting others.

I say I AM IN! Yes God more! More! More! I need more of You! I can’t do it on my own.

(The events from 1975 are in black, the revelation I received is in orange- there were so many names that stood out and each time I looked up the meaning, I was so amazed!)

www.jkalashnikovphoto.com

Feb 2nd - US female Figure Skating championship won by Dorothy Hamill

Dorothy is Gift Of God

Barry Manilow's "Mandy" goes gold     Mandy is Loveable; a message was being sent to tell women that they were, LOVEABLE.

Jan 1st - International Women's Year begins OF COURSE! J

The Gypsy closes  

(gypsy -an independent, inclination to move from place to place) The gypsy, loner, independent thinking must END!

Space mountain opened –going high with God!

Jan 24th - Fastest Earth-bound object, 7200 kph, in vacuum centrifuge, England

Heaven kissing earth

Feb 11th - Margaret Thatcher defeats Edward Heath for Conservative leadership

Feb 20th - Margaret Thatcher elected leader of British Conservative Party

Women taking leadership was beginning in new levels

Mar 1st - Eagles' "Best of My Love" reaches #1

(Eagles- prophetic statement) God was wanting to give the BEST OF HIS LOVE, and IS wanting to now!

Mar 3rd - "Goodtime Charley" opens at Palace Theater NYC for 104 performances (A musical about Joan of Arc) A very brave and powerful woman who stood for her convictions

Mar 17th - Valeri Muratov skates world record 1000m (1:16.92)

Valerie means strength. God made women to be strong, but not to take the place of men, not to be strong LIKE men, we have a different strength which will only be unveiled when in the perfect balance, birthed from a place of identity in Christ, love, value, honor, interdependence and has the covering of a man or a church body, or a strong team of support, NOT ALONE

Mar 19th - Penn is the 1st state to allow girls to compete with boys in HS sports

I believe this is some of the beginnings of the enemie’s plan to make women think they were to be like men, instead of valuing a man’s place and a man’s strength, not valuing their place as a woman, it’s not supposed to look like a man or to COMPETE with men, we are to come alongside men to build up men, to let men be a strength to us in healthy ways they were created to be

Mar 22nd - "Letter for Queen Victoria" opens at ANTA Theater NYC

 Victoria-winner conquerer  WOW!

Apr 8th - 47th Academy Awards - "Godfather II,"

God wants to reveal Himself as Father to His daughters

Apr 12th - Linda Ronstadt releases "When Will I Be Loved" 

Linda means Pretty One.  Already, because of this misunderstanding of women “taking their place” they are beginning to feel alone and not loved

Apr 18th - John Lennon releases "Stand by Me"

I hear the man’s cry and the woman’s cry in this song WE NEED EACH OTHER

Apr 27th - Sandra Haynie wins LPGA Charity Golf Classic

Sandra means defender of the people   We are called to be nurturers, God put it in our DNA

May 3rd - Christa Vahlensieck runs female world record marathon (2:40:15.8) Christa means Christ-Bearer!  We are to be running with Christ not from Him

May 4th - Ed Bullins' "Taking of Miss Jane," premieres in NYC

 Jane means God Is Gracious.     There has been a HUGE misconception of God being gracious. The enemy has really painted a sick picture of God as a mean, merciless, domineering, tyrant, that women shouldn’t trust

May 4th - Maria Astrologes wins LPGA Birmingham Golf Classic

Maria means,Of The Sea Or Bitter.   There has definitely been MUCH bitterness sown in the hearts of women in this deception of them taking on the world alone

May 6th – Bundy (a serial killer) victim Lynette Culver disappears from Pocatello, Idaho

Lynette means Pretty One.   Even in the natural “Pretty One” was targeted and violated, as it has been the plan of the enemy since the beginning of time. Thus far and NO MORE! Women we must recognize the plan of the enemy and stand in the opposite and stop agreeing with the lies.  We were created to walk in the fullness of our beauty inside and out. You are beautiful you are valuable, you are loved, you and not to be ashamed.

May 16th - Japanese Junko Tabei became 1st woman to reach Mt Everest's summit

Junko means Obedient, Genuine, Pure (YES GOD!)

We are to ascend the Mountain of God not our own mountain, God is beckoning us to come to him, He is wooing us to Himself.

May 16th - Wings release "Listen to What the Man Said" in UK

Our wings will be released when we learn to honor our men our leaders and listen to what they say we need their input. We are not to do it on our own.

May 17th - NBC paid $5M for rights to show "Gone with the Wind" one time

Taken into His presence, a deeper move of the Holy Spirit, encounters

May 19th - 27th Emmy Awards: Mary Tyler Moore Show, Robert Blake & Jean

Mary means of the sea or bitter

If we don’t become like Mary who was at Jesus Feet in the Bible, we will become bitter and empty inside. We don’t have enough love to meet the needs and demands of life, we must receive from Jesus’ love and we must give from our overflow

Jun 14th - Janis Ian releases "At 17"

Janis means God Is Gracious

Jun 15th - Carol Mann wins Lawson's LPGA Golf Classic

(Carol is a form of Charles) Charles means Free Man

Women be free! Free from your own deception, free from your own strength, trust in His strength trust. trust. trust.

As I was pondering all of this I also heard Doug Addison mention that the 70’s was the last revival in the US and the Christians judged it and didn’t like all the hippies and all the messiness of the move of God, so it sort of fizzled out eventually.  Father we welcome you back, we welcome your move no matter what it looks like!