"Babies come from where???!"

I will never forget the hilarious jaw dropping, face contorting expression, Ian got on his face when I told him where babies made their entrance into this world. It has been quite a fun journey training these boys in the ways of life. :)

I have found that children are often the ones (in a healthy home, with freedom to ask questions) to let us know when they are needing more information.  I was unsure with my first son, being the first, when to give WHAT information. As I am on my 4th child and have learned as they've grown, I have loved seeing how each one is different as well.  But one pattern I have noticed is their curiosity and questioning seems to peak at about the same times in life.  I have found that when they ask a question I give them a little bit of info. if they aren't satisfied they ask for more, so I give more.  Sometimes a very basic answer was all they needed. Sure enough a few weeks, or even months later, they have a new question regarding the same issue.  For example Joel was asking where Abi came out of my body.  I asked him where he thought she came out.  He proceeded to suggest maybe from my belly, my foot, my side, and I just kept saying no, and pretty soon he was distracted and running off to go play wit his brother.  I didn't even need to explain yet.

Also it's good to pay attention to how the kids are reacting to things, for example.  One of my sons at about 7 years old seemed to be reacting VERY strongly to anything mentioning kissing, or when a revealing scene would flash on a movie that we would skip, or even the mention of the word sex, even if referring to gender.  So I was asking the Lord about it and asking my son questions about how it made him feel or was he afraid of something etc...He wasn't quite sure.  I found some great books (found here) about the basics of sex and reproduction, because I could tell there was some misunderstanding on his behalf.  As we started reading these books in the room just he and I, every time I read the word sex, he would make that face, or make a zerber sound cuz he was so embarrassed.  Finally I said, "OK honey, let's pray and ask God if there is a lie you are believing about sex, or if sometime in your life you learned it's something bad?"
He agreed and we prayed.
Immediately he remembered someone freaking out and shaming him for accidentily saying the word "sex when he was about four years old." It was another kid who had said, "Don't ever say that word! It's bad! Don't ever say that again!"
So he repeated after me:
"I break agreement with the lie that sex is bad."
 Then he asked God what His thoughts were about sex.
God told him it wasn't bad if it was in marriage.
I was so excited for him hearing God and I could see the shame lifting off of him, it was so precious.
We finished the book series and he was able to repeat the word sex with out hiding his face, making noises, or contorting his face. :)

I am so thankful to have God involved in the process of raising kids, because only He knows their every thought, and He has been so faithful to help me recognize things that I might not have seen.  He also knows exactly what they need when I feel clueless.

If you yourself feel uncomfortable answering the "scary" questions with your children, or learning to call them out and ask them the hard questions, then you yourself should ask God if there are any lies you have been believing regarding sex or informing your children in this area.  Children are very attentive and receptive, and they know if you are uncomfortable to discuss this and they too will feel some sort of shame about it.  The good news is God can heal us in this area, He has brought a lot of healing and clarity to me. I am so thankful!  Once he reveals the lies to you or brings up some memories of times when you got the wrong impression of sexual things then ask God to reveal the lies and break agreement with them.  You can also ask if there is anyone you may need to forgive.

I would love to hear any questions you might have regarding this issue.

He wants us to hear

 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was NOT in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was NOT in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was NOT in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.  When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.  (1 Kings 19: 11-13)

When I read this passage, something was nudging me about it.  I couldn't figure it out so I read it again. "Lord, why did you first give all those powerful demonstrations of Your power, yet you were not in the power, or destruction of the mountain, not in the fire?? What are you showing me Lord?"

I read it again.

I put it down and went about my day.  Later it came to me, the Holy Spirit deposited it into my spirit.  He is telling me that He wants His people to realize HE IS SPEAKING! And He always has been. 
For a long time in my life, I kept waiting for these spectacular moments that the Lord would speak audibly, or thunder from the clouds, or give me a clear vision out of nowhere.  I would think, "Lord, I will do whatever you say, whatever Your will is, if only I knew for sure it was You."  But I realized after many years that that was part of faith, believing it WAS indeed Him speaking to me.  I have journaled for many years and have practiced very practically learning to hear His voice, and TRUST that it's Him.  As I have stepped out in small things, He has confirmed again and again that I am hearing.  I would even test it with things, for example; when someone was calling (before we had caller ID) I would ask the Lord who was calling.  Sometimes I was wrong, but sometimes it was right on!  I would ask for how to pray for someone and step out in what I was feeling that I heard (it usually felt like my very own thoughts) and the person would confirm that it was exactly what they needed to hear! I would ask Him to reveal to me where something was when I lost it, or if someone lost their keys or shoes.

I feel like He is so wanting us to understand that He longingly wants us to tune into our natural senses and see what we see, what we hear in our minds, what we sense in our hearts.  He IS SPEAKING, we need to know that He wants us to hear.  

As I was driving to ladies group on our beautiful route here in Oregon looking out over green pastures and fields covered with lush green everywhere.  I was completely enjoying God's creation and taking in His great love for me, thinking through the past couple of days, and I was suddenly recognizing that He had been highlighting  a specific person to me.  Then I began to think about how tickled I was that He kept reminding me, because I obviously wasn't getting it.  That's when it hit me, He really wants me to hear this, and He knows I will eventually get it if He keeps nudging me, even if if it takes three different instances! :)  It's a relationship, and He wants my input and interaction, He doesn't just speak once, and get mad at me if I didn't hear, or say "you weren't listening, your fault you missed out." He never gives up on me, He loves me, He wants me to hear!  I was so excited I had a perma-grin all the way to ladies group.

Here's a great representation of my excitement :)

 

We don't have to teach our kids EVERYTHING...pheww!

I was at the park the other day admiring my sweet boys, Daniel and Ian playing on the park equipment, thinking about how Daniel is a pre-teen, and Ian is starting to seriously stepping into his own, being sure to challenge me on every suggestion, or requirement of him.  I was feeling so proud of them and their character and personalities, thinking I truly trust Daniel and his stance on life and his moral integrity, I am so excited to see how he will stand on his own and face life apart from us as his own person.  It hit me so strongly that I could fully stand in confidence knowing that my son is a well rounded good person, and will do well in life.  I realized I needed to start speaking more of my confidence in him and being sure to reassure him that I trust him in his decision making and to speak out loud my pride in him and his good works.

After the park time on our way home I did tell Daniel that I was very proud of him and I did trust him.  I could hear his gratitude in the thank you, and I felt so good about the peace I felt as well.

Of course, after that day, I have strongly been pondering this concept. What is our job as a parent in training our kids, how much do we teach them, how much do we teach by living the example?

Well it has started to become more clear, number one:I DON'T HAVE TO TEACH THEM EVERYTHING THEY WILL NEED TO KNOW FOR THEIR WHOLE LIVES!
I only need to prepare them with the tools to face the things they will face in this life. These are a few of those things I am discovering:
1. Putting a hunger in them to learn. 
 By stimulating their minds, not boring them with what I think they should know, not making sure they are getting in every possible detail, but by exposing them to many different ways of learning: computer research, writing, reading, learning from others who love to teach, trying NEW things, seeing how others live their lives, doing something that seems too difficult to do etc...
2. Expose them to the Living God.
God is big enough and powerful enough and loving enough to reveal Himself as we walk them to His door.  He says if they knock HE WILL open.  I believe our job is only to lead them to the door.  I feel that my example in my hunger for God, and my openness in worship, prayer, sillyness and unashamed faith and life in general is the most powerful tool I have to teach them about God.  I have found it's so important to teach my kids to hear His voice on their own,  because when they leave our home I won't be going with them neither will their Papa, I want them to know they will never be alone.  I also feel that asking them a lot of questions instead of just telling and teaching draws them out more than any other way. Exposing them to the Word of God to get their own revelations and experiences.
3. Having a thankful heart.
I believe if they can always find ways to be thankful no matter their situation, they will always thrive and look for ways to solve problems. This will also thwart that nasty spirit of entitlement.
4. Loving them unconditionally.
This of course can mean loving them enough to say no. To put up strong boundaries.  Trusting them to try things out and learn from their own mistakes. Believing in them.
Keeping up regular communication and speaking out when I am so proud of them or just love them.
 5. Keeping our marriage strong.
In my relationship to my husband I can totally see how important it is to keep our love strong because this is one of the strongest examples they have to learn from for their future lives.  When Ruslan and I are fulfilled and loving each other, then we are also MUCH better parents.

I know there's more but these were the basic things that help me keep it simple when I start worrying again that I haven't prepared them enough.  I am thankful for the grace we have as parents to learn as we go as well.  And I am so thankful that I am not expected to be perfect or teach my kids every single possible thing they will need to know when away from home. :) Phewwww!