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I love life! I love the multifaceted things about it and about God.  I love to enjoy each day to it's fullest. I love my boys and I love change!

Friday, June 21, 2013

"Babies come from where???!"

I will never forget the hilarious jaw dropping, face contorting expression, Ian got on his face when I told him where babies made their entrance into this world. It has been quite a fun journey training these boys in the ways of life. :)

I have found that children are often the ones (in a healthy home, with freedom to ask questions) to let us know when they are needing more information.  I was unsure with my first son, being the first, when to give WHAT information. As I am on my 4th child and have learned as they've grown, I have loved seeing how each one is different as well.  But one pattern I have noticed is their curiosity and questioning seems to peak at about the same times in life.  I have found that when they ask a question I give them a little bit of info. if they aren't satisfied they ask for more, so I give more.  Sometimes a very basic answer was all they needed. Sure enough a few weeks, or even months later, they have a new question regarding the same issue.  For example Joel was asking where Abi came out of my body.  I asked him where he thought she came out.  He proceeded to suggest maybe from my belly, my foot, my side, and I just kept saying no, and pretty soon he was distracted and running off to go play wit his brother.  I didn't even need to explain yet.

Also it's good to pay attention to how the kids are reacting to things, for example.  One of my sons at about 7 years old seemed to be reacting VERY strongly to anything mentioning kissing, or when a revealing scene would flash on a movie that we would skip, or even the mention of the word sex, even if referring to gender.  So I was asking the Lord about it and asking my son questions about how it made him feel or was he afraid of something etc...He wasn't quite sure.  I found some great books (found here) about the basics of sex and reproduction, because I could tell there was some misunderstanding on his behalf.  As we started reading these books in the room just he and I, every time I read the word sex, he would make that face, or make a zerber sound cuz he was so embarrassed.  Finally I said, "OK honey, let's pray and ask God if there is a lie you are believing about sex, or if sometime in your life you learned it's something bad?"
He agreed and we prayed.
Immediately he remembered someone freaking out and shaming him for accidentily saying the word "sex when he was about four years old." It was another kid who had said, "Don't ever say that word! It's bad! Don't ever say that again!"
So he repeated after me:
"I break agreement with the lie that sex is bad."
 Then he asked God what His thoughts were about sex.
God told him it wasn't bad if it was in marriage.
I was so excited for him hearing God and I could see the shame lifting off of him, it was so precious.
We finished the book series and he was able to repeat the word sex with out hiding his face, making noises, or contorting his face. :)


I am so thankful to have God involved in the process of raising kids, because only He knows their every thought, and He has been so faithful to help me recognize things that I might not have seen.  He also knows exactly what they need when I feel clueless.

If you yourself feel uncomfortable answering the "scary" questions with your children, or learning to call them out and ask them the hard questions, then you yourself should ask God if there are any lies you have been believing regarding sex or informing your children in this area.  Children are very attentive and receptive, and they know if you are uncomfortable to discuss this and they too will feel some sort of shame about it.  The good news is God can heal us in this area, He has brought a lot of healing and clarity to me. I am so thankful!  Once he reveals the lies to you or brings up some memories of times when you got the wrong impression of sexual things then ask God to reveal the lies and break agreement with them.  You can also ask if there is anyone you may need to forgive.

I would love to hear any questions you might have regarding this issue.



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