What if we've had it all backwards with our lives?

What if we are supposed to raise our children and be there for our children and THEN pursue our "career" after the children have grown? Or to intentionally find things to make a living that involve our children?

Joel and his Papa

 

Now I know this might sound ridiculous to some and especially for some who have waited til a lot later to have children, but what if there's truth in this?

my hot rugged man working from home

Love his availability for coffee dates!

I have thought a lot about the state that we are in right now as our family has grown and years have passed and Ruslan has off and on wondered why he isn't still successful in the standards of this society.  He doesn't have the career that he imagined he would at this age (37) the money or the house that he pictured as a matter of fact we are still renting.  Each time we approach the subject it seems that God is continually pointing to the faithfulness of my husband, the great success he has had in being there for our children, in becoming the most amazing father husband ever (in our lives)!  I only see great fruit from the fact that Ruslan never got tied up or caught up in being at work all the time or studying for his degree so long he missed out on the children.

Melt my heart moments of Papa and Daughter

 

I know this might be touchy for some, and I am NOT saying that those things are wrong, not at all.  I am just wondering WHEN those things are actually supposed to come into play in a person's life who wants to have children and a family, a husband, or a wife.  I have seen the fruit of our children's lives as they have had total access to their parents and availability and openness to talk and discuss life with them.  My heart has exploded with the joy and deep satisfaction of watching my husband be interested in my teenage sons life, asking him every time he returns from time with friends, "How'd it go? What are your friends up to lately (knowing their names) truly finding interest in what Daniel does and what he's into.  I have seen the security in our teenager knowing that he is loved always, and protected, held accountable taught about the consequences of his decisions, heard, and that he is known.  

Watching my 2 year old daughter be able to climb up on Daddy's lap being welcomed every time and applauded as she comes in saying "woot Papa, woot!"(Look! Look!) As he adoringly gasps with pleasure at her new outfit I just put on her.

As we are considering the prospect of Ruslan working outside the home asking the children what their thoughts are, each one asking:

 "Does that mean Papa would be gone everyday?" (Joel`6 yrs)

"It's OK we don't need him to work somewhere else, because we have enough money, I really like Papa being home everyday." (Ian 10 yrs)

"I really like being able to visit with Papa everyday whenever I want to." (Daniel 13 yrs)

 

I am starting to hear a very clear message here.

I think it's in the heart of every child to have access to their parents, not to have the big house the beautiful car, the fun "things" without the parents being available.

I realize we have to make a living to raise a family, but I think there's more to it than that.

Our children need us. They desperately need us.  I just don't want us to fall into the trap of the "norm of society" that we are to sacrifice our children for our career.

Love his hands with hers

 

I honestly wonder if we aren't supposed to sacrifice our career and success for our children, or find things that make us still available to them, until they have come out of their very tender, mold-able, easily influenced state. I don't even know how that would look fully. But it's something I have really been pondering. I have seen the beautiful fruit in the security and solidness of our children as both my husband and I have been SO extremely blessed to have been able to be stay at home parents for the last 8 years (myself all of their lives-amazingly enough).

All I know is that I remember after getting married and seeing that my husband had to go to work everyday from 8-5, as I stayed home alone waiting for our son to bloom and grow inside my belly, I thought: 

"This is not what I signed up for! God I don't want to just be hone alone and not have my husband except for a few hours in the evening and weekends? I want more than this. I know it might sound ridiculous and impossible God, but I want my husband home, and I want him to be available to our children as they come into our lives."

I see that God heard my cry and He's willing to work with anyone who cries out for more, He makes a way where there seems to be NO WAY. Wow Lord God you are so faithful, thank you!

 

Don't be afraid to ask for the impossible, He wants to show you that with Him all things are possible, how awesome is that! Don't be afraid to think outside the "norm" of life and the cycles or ruts we've gotten caught up into, we may not even recognize that we are stuck in some things. Don't be afraid to ask for more than you have.

There is resistance to slowing down

www.jkalashnikovphoto.com

We are enjoying listening to the Loving on Purpose  parenting series by Danny Silk in our homegroup.  I absolutely love it! I get so frustrated every time when I see all the places I haven't been applying the things I've learned and yet so encouraged by the awesome perspective and clear vision of what Danny presents, and how valuable parenting is. This is my husband and my 3rd time through this and each time we learn something new, and apply something more. 

As we were watching this last session, I was seeing Danny's extremely patient demeanor, and the process he mentions walking the kids through, and I am sitting there thinking, SO MUCH TIME! It takes so much time, to get the the heart of an issue with the children, or to stop and clean up a mess with them teaching them to clean their own mess, helping them with options and choices, (it takes time and creativity to even think of good choices to offer sometimes), it takes time to help the child get to the place of cleaning up his mess in forgiving his brother from a true place of repentance instead of just plopping down an "I'm sorry!" Then I began to realize, "well if I would just take the TIME, to stop what I am doing and give the time needed, then I actually could handle doing all this responsible parenting." :) 
 Some days I do really well, and some days I get so caught up in my activities that I forget what and who the priority is.  I have begun to recognize when I am getting too hurried. If I am in the kitchen rushing around cleaning off counter tops, swinging around to wash the dishes and GET REALLY ANNOYED when one of my darling children walk in and I almost run into them. Or when I am racing to get my son to bed so I can have my down time, and I feel UNDONE when he wants me to come read to him and I just don't feel like it! When I am so focused on my task: blogging (supposedly helping others learn things in my process of learning haha), editing photos, making dinner, painting, wanting to have an alone time with the Lord...I start to see when once again I allowed other things to come before the kids. I am not saying that I can't do those things, but when I continually am getting frustrated at the kids for needing my help, or asking so many questions, or just wanting Mama to not be busy, then I am saying I need to pull back from my activities and put them first.

The same thing happens in my desire to spend alone time with the Lord, often I feel the wooing of the Holy Spirit to steal away for a moment and just rest in His beautiful presence and it's very tempting and I actually really WANT to, I feel the excitement in my spirit and yet I find myself suddenly on Facebook, or blogging, or finding a snack to munch on, or sitting down to "check out" in front of an entertaining sitcom.  Not that that those things are bad (I had my days of being extremely religious about them being bad), but I notice the PULL towards distractions. It's very constant daily, and there is an extreme resistance to slowing down, just sitting and letting your mind rest and receive or be renewed in His sweet peaceful presence, instead of filling, doing, learning, accomplishing! I find that when I am finally sitting, and lately I notice that sometimes that is only in the bathroom on the "throne," I realize oops I did it again, I haven't taken time to slow down today, because it feels so nice and I really start to hear and see a lot clearer, I get better strategy for the day, I don't feel like I am in constant GO mode.  

Soooooo I have been asking the Lord for wisdom (James 1, if you ask for wisdom you will get it!) and guidance, to recognize when I am being too driven, and not slowing down, because I function SO much better when I have a plan, I am nicer to people and MUCH more patient, when I am not always moving forward to accomplish my plans. I take time to squeeze my son and tell him how much I love his sense of humor, I stop and watch the silly video they have been begging me to see, I don't miss the Que of a moment where I untied heart strings in my snapping at my son.  I don't get annoyed when my husband stops me and kisses me as I am rushing down the hall to put away laundry.  Being in a hurry robs me of the present, cuz I am always pushing towards the future. Holy Spirit let it not be so in my life.

When I slow down things become much more handle-able.