Marriage isn't just about SEX

 I received a request to talk about SEX.  I realized, yeah, I haven't really talked much about sex.  What would I write if I write about sex?  And actually something recently came up.  I am recognizing the Lord wants me to share the processes He has walked me through so that other people can get that freedom to.  I don't always like walking through the tough things, but there is a joy and fulfillment in knowing that atleast it will help someone else along this journey of life.  This is a very fresh and recent revelation, and I am yet again surprised at only JUST NOW getting this clarity, this is DEFINITELY an area that truth comes and then being bombarded by our confused culture, starts to fade again.  Although with each incident, there is a deeper level of revelation that goes deeper than the last...anyway... I may be rambling so I don't have to start sharing what I am talking about...OK I'll stop lollygagging...

So I was in the car driving alone with out kids or husband and thinking about how I felt single again, and was remembering the single days and how I actually don't miss them much at all!  I also noticed that four different guys at four different stops, would look at me with a very flirtatious almost seductive look, and I could feel the familiarity of it.  I was excited to realize that that is what I used to struggle with growing up, was thinking I needed to grab the attention of EVERY guy who passed me by, thinking that it proved my sexiness, therefore my worth as a woman.  I never had a desire to have sex with them or wish that they would take me home with them, but just knowing that I was approved as woman.  Plus there was power I felt in knowing that I could catch many eyes (this is feeling very vulnerable right now...). 

Later on in life I have seen that I learned this way of thinking from something that happened to me (I'll share sometime, it wasn't family related), and also having a father who didn't always know how to affirm me as a woman, plus a mother who never knew her amazing worth and beauty.  Once I became a teenager my dad wasn't always sure how to show affection, and he really wasn't good with compliments, he would more often joke and do things like sing a silly tune, "we wear short shorts, if you dare wear short shorts..." I had to choose from one or two meanings in my mind; either he was saying my shorts were too short and I needed to change, or he was saying wow you are turning into a beautiful young lady and showing that you have beautiful legs.  I chose the second meaning because I also liked how other guys gave their approving stares or glances.

So back to being in the car.  I drove home and kinda had those thoughts still rolling in my mind.  That night I dreamed about a woman who was planning on getting divorced and I was very passionately telling her that is wasn't OK, it wasn't hopeless there was still a way to fix the marriage!  Another woman came and told her testimony of me helping her to not choose divorce and the first woman was intently listening.

I woke up from that dream feeling the sadness of divorce.

That day I experienced some major rejection having to do with some people very close to me.  It stirred up some old wounds of rejection that I thought I dealt with...  As I was in my room alone thinking about those lies and how real they felt, I wasn't sure where to turn or what to do, all I could think about was how depressed I suddenly felt, all I wanted was some form of comfort any comfort, something to take my focus off of feeling so isolated, alone, misunderstood, hurt...

"Where was all this coming from? Was it an attack? Was it going backwards in the freedom that I knew I had in this area? Lord what is going on??" 

I also felt like I didn't want to bring it up with Ruslan cuz I didnt' want him to think I was majorly struggling with something, but I felt so alone and stuck, like the walls were caving in on me...
I went another day trying to process this strange fear, pain, anger, and even self worth deteriorating.  I even started thinking about Ruslan probably getting bored with me, and not wanting to be with me anymore.
It was such a blindsiding, I was so confused.  Just two days earlier I was feeling wonderful, totally fulfilled completely happy, and loving life??  I knew there was some root issue or demonic attack, but I wasn't getting ANY clarity!?
(I am going to stop here for now but I will finish...)

Words of Wisdom that have changed the course of my LIFE

I was sitting here thinking about helpful advice or words of wisdom, or basic revelations that I've gotten that really transformed my way of seeing things, and I wanted to share those with you now.

"Some things just take time" - I have mentioned this before but this one I used to fight more stubbornly than a goat.  I now recognize I was always in a hurry because I was driven by believing we were running out of time, because "Jesus is coming soon!" (I am actually writing more about that in my book that I am working on!)  I always have been more of an impatient, sort of dominant, "get it done" type of gal, so when I had to wait for the process of something it irked me to no end.  Or when I was working on a project and I was missing an integral part and it was gonna take an extra hour to finish, I would be so frustrated!  I needed it to be finished now! So I could get onto more important things. 
I have begun to recognize the HUGE value of wholly being where I am at and finishing something with all that I have got.  Stopping to "smell the roses."  Detaching myself from my goal to look my son in the face as he tells me his really important story about the frog outside.  Leaving the dishes in the sink so I can have an extra half hour cuddling with my huz.  Letting Joel drop the flour in the bowl while I crack the eggs in (even though it takes twice as long ;)).  I have found a new joy in cooking because of learning to take the time.

No trauma for children, if "atunement"is offered- This was LIFE altering for me!  A very knowledgeable Christian psychologist, Dr. Lehman, happened to visit our group when we lived in Redding, and this was one of the greatest nuggets I took home. Basically he shared that even if a very hurtful or harmful thing happens to your child, if there is someone healthy  to offer atunement then they will be able to process it and heal instead of coming to their own child conclusion which is usually very wrong and confused.
Having been abused at a young age (not by a family member and I will share that freedom at some point), I didn't realize that was the driving fear in my mind of protecting my children.  I was so afraid of anything ever happening to them and damaging their perspective, their innocence, or having to deal with trauma and every other horrible after effect"  So when I heard this incredible truth,  it was a gigantic mountain lifted off of my shoulders, and fear disintegrated.  I now had power to help if ever something did happen, because I know Ruslan and I are pretty healthy parents (not perfect), we love each other dearly, we love God, we love our kids, and we are in constant communication with them.  So yay!  We can know that if we love them unconditionally and are there for them through hard stuff it will all work together for the good! Praise Jesus!

This too shall pass -I think this one has helped A TON with children the most.  Tough stages for us have always been the "turbulent threes" we thought we were getting away with the terrible twos until BAM! Three hit!  And of course for me, birth is where I have always used this saying.  It helped so much to picture myself holding that darling baby that was about to present his/herself at any minute now, any hour now...anyway you get the idea. :) Oh and difficult stretching situations like nerves right before shooting a wedding, I would just think of the reality, that tomorrow this will all be done and I will already be editing these beautiful images, it's all gonna be wonderful, I can do this!


Ask more questions I wrote a blog titled this, but for those of you who missed it, this has been a more recent development, but a wonderful new found peace.  "You mean I don't have to know everything!?"  I can ask questions, and not assume that I should know what they are talking about, or that it might hurt their feelings if I admit that I didn't understand what they meant.  You mean,  I can ask if that facial expression really meant that they were disappointed in me, or angry with me, or annoyed with me? You mean you weren't even paying attention to what I was saying, you were just thinking about all the dishes you had waiting for you at home!?  You mean I can ask you for more information please!?
What a relief!!!!!!! :)

Slow down you will be happier - I was noticing one day how easily annoyed I was getting with everything, everyone, and anything that got in my way!  I stopped for a moment recognizing how poopy I was being.  "Lord why am I so easily irritated today?"
"Because you are in such a hurry." I immediately heard in my spirit.
"What!? How would that make sense?" I shot back.
So I began to think on that quite a bit and I purposely, literally just slowed down my pace of even doing dishes, instead of rushing to get it over with I decided to make sure I wasn't missing any spots and seeing if there was anything extra I could do that I usually didn't pay attention to, like washing the back splash by the sink.  Ever sense that day, I have paid attention to my pace when I am really moving fast and trying to hurry hurry hurry, I intentionally slow down, and remind myself this is what I am doing and I am going to do it well.  I welcome the Holy Spirit to commune with me as I do whatever it is I'm doing, and I welcome the interruptions from the children. I feel so much more peace, and joy when I remember to pay attention.  It has majorly shifted my perspective.

God loves this Country and I do too. :)

I think my first tendency used to be to remain ignorant when it comes to politics...But I have come to realize even though that "feels" better it isn't taking responsibility for what God might have for me to fulfill, being born and raised in this beautiful bountiful country.  Growing up my Mom had a tendency to be more fearful and worrisome about the things going on in the world, and my Dad didn't seem to be aware of it or care much.  I guess with out realizing I chose my dad's way only because it looked a little more peaceful...However, neither way was the perfect way.  Both my Mom and Dad were living two extremes.  Now at age 33, I think I am finally understanding things a bit more clearly.

I for sure feel overwhelmed at some of the things happening that are negative, but I have always had a tendency to be moreoptimistic and choose hope no matter how bad things look, that has definitely played out in my favor.  When I think of our leaders and the corruption, it feels really big and impossible, but then I go to God, and I begin to soak in His presence just sitting alone with Him and worshiping to some music and I begin to feel His tangible love and mercy, and everything suddenly becomes lighter.  I often have no idea what to pray for our leaders or our country so I worship God until He begins to pour out intercession through me, and many times I just cry and cry and cry, but I feel Him using that and changing my perspective and hope begins rising up.  I sometimes see visions in my mind's eye and I pray into those as I feel the Spirit leading, and it feels so good, it feels like my prayers are actually accomplishing things (because they are!).  I continue to ask the Lord what is my part, what role can I play in blessing this country and reminding my country and my people that this is our Nation under God, indivisible, with LIBERTY, and justice for all!  Father, how do we come against the onslaught of the enemy in all the evil that we are seeing...???

Well here are a few things that He has given me to stand in the midst of dry bones, or hopelessness:

One step at a time: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

I tend to think globally and of whole nations of people coming to the Lord, but I have found there is a lot of wisdom in Jesus' words, "LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." That is, after we are loving God and allowing His love to flow through us so we truly love our neighbor.
But what does that look like?
Talk to your neighbor. :) Help them with their groceries, watch their children for an evening, offer your tools for their yard work, invite them for dinner, whatever you feel the Lord nudging you to do.  It is only by our daily walk and reaching our neighbor that we can change our neighborhood that we can release the Love of God to begin tearing down strongholds of division, independence, hatred, selfishness, political correctness.  After our neighborhood transforms, our town starts shifting, after our towns, our cities, after our cities, our states...you get the picture right. :)

Focus on YOUR sphere of influence, cuz you do have influence!
Remember that God has you where He wants you (unless you know you aren't where you are supposed to be)!  It isn't somewhere else, it isn't where revival is happening more, it isn't the next church where more spiritual things are happening, it's right inside of you. YOU are the resting place of God, if you will let ytourself be.  God said a broken and contrite spirit He will not deny, but He resists the proud.  He is looking for the hungry hearts who will do what they can with what they have, where they are at! :) Yeah!  It isn't somewhere in the future, it's now, in your backyard, at your bbq, at the movie theater, with your friends who you are embarrassed to mention Jesus to.  It's right where you are at.  Your friends are watching you, your family is watching you, you have influence and authority with the ones you love.  Jesus only moved with compassion, use that compassion and ask Holy Spirit what He wants to do today.  It's NOT somewhere else.

Find GOOD testimonies of what's happening in America.
There are actually some very exciting things going on ALL over America.  Think of Redding for example, 1000's of people are coming in every year to meet with God get more of Him to know how to reach their cities.  Here in Eugene Oregon, our Pastor's heart is to unite the Churches, imagine how powerful it will be when ALL churches start moving together in unity instead of fighting each other.  A huge abortion facility in Texas was SHUT DOWN recently! People are rising up and standing for life!

Ask God what your role is in your city, and what cause to stand with or for.
Don't compare yourself to other people's roles!  You are designed for something uniquely you!  You might be called to Mother your children and prepare the next generation to be pure and set apart.  You might be called to stand in prayer for people who are up front in visible ministries.  You might be called to bring change to the business realm having a business that is done in integrity and excellence.  You might be one who sows into feeding the poor or stopping abortion.  You might be one called to cook the most amazing meals to bless others and show God's extravagance!  You might be called to be the most loving neighbor anyone has ever encountered.  Only you know and God knows so start asking where do you begin.  What do you have in your possession?  Maybe you need to be sharing your beautiful roses with people who love roses.  Maybe you need to be dancing more, even in your own living room.  God will show you your part and it will be clear, it's not somewhere else!
I feel super excited about what God is doing in our nation, I believe it is never hopeless as long as God is on the throne! 
Also just ask God if there is something locally happening that you can be a part of in helping your community, or somewhere you can sow financially? Or maybe it's nursery in your church? Anything to help serve others...if you are already doing this ask God if you are to change anything or if you are on the right track?

DO NOT PARTNER WITH NEGATIVITY.
 It's like smearing Poo all over yourself and then everyone you come into contact with gets some on them too. It's not good!
 Ask God how He sees things.  Ask for His perspective.  Seriously!  Even as you are reading this sit still for 5 more minutes and ask God to reveal His view.  He may give you a scripture or a picture, or a song, or words. Pay attention He will speak to you.  Write it down, and when you are tempted to believe the circumstances, read that word, or ask Him again, He can show you more! :)

I love you all! I love this country!  And best of all God loves our nation!