What if we've had it all backwards with our lives?

What if we are supposed to raise our children and be there for our children and THEN pursue our "career" after the children have grown? Or to intentionally find things to make a living that involve our children?

Joel and his Papa

 

Now I know this might sound ridiculous to some and especially for some who have waited til a lot later to have children, but what if there's truth in this?

my hot rugged man working from home

Love his availability for coffee dates!

I have thought a lot about the state that we are in right now as our family has grown and years have passed and Ruslan has off and on wondered why he isn't still successful in the standards of this society.  He doesn't have the career that he imagined he would at this age (37) the money or the house that he pictured as a matter of fact we are still renting.  Each time we approach the subject it seems that God is continually pointing to the faithfulness of my husband, the great success he has had in being there for our children, in becoming the most amazing father husband ever (in our lives)!  I only see great fruit from the fact that Ruslan never got tied up or caught up in being at work all the time or studying for his degree so long he missed out on the children.

Melt my heart moments of Papa and Daughter

 

I know this might be touchy for some, and I am NOT saying that those things are wrong, not at all.  I am just wondering WHEN those things are actually supposed to come into play in a person's life who wants to have children and a family, a husband, or a wife.  I have seen the fruit of our children's lives as they have had total access to their parents and availability and openness to talk and discuss life with them.  My heart has exploded with the joy and deep satisfaction of watching my husband be interested in my teenage sons life, asking him every time he returns from time with friends, "How'd it go? What are your friends up to lately (knowing their names) truly finding interest in what Daniel does and what he's into.  I have seen the security in our teenager knowing that he is loved always, and protected, held accountable taught about the consequences of his decisions, heard, and that he is known.  

Watching my 2 year old daughter be able to climb up on Daddy's lap being welcomed every time and applauded as she comes in saying "woot Papa, woot!"(Look! Look!) As he adoringly gasps with pleasure at her new outfit I just put on her.

As we are considering the prospect of Ruslan working outside the home asking the children what their thoughts are, each one asking:

 "Does that mean Papa would be gone everyday?" (Joel`6 yrs)

"It's OK we don't need him to work somewhere else, because we have enough money, I really like Papa being home everyday." (Ian 10 yrs)

"I really like being able to visit with Papa everyday whenever I want to." (Daniel 13 yrs)

 

I am starting to hear a very clear message here.

I think it's in the heart of every child to have access to their parents, not to have the big house the beautiful car, the fun "things" without the parents being available.

I realize we have to make a living to raise a family, but I think there's more to it than that.

Our children need us. They desperately need us.  I just don't want us to fall into the trap of the "norm of society" that we are to sacrifice our children for our career.

Love his hands with hers

 

I honestly wonder if we aren't supposed to sacrifice our career and success for our children, or find things that make us still available to them, until they have come out of their very tender, mold-able, easily influenced state. I don't even know how that would look fully. But it's something I have really been pondering. I have seen the beautiful fruit in the security and solidness of our children as both my husband and I have been SO extremely blessed to have been able to be stay at home parents for the last 8 years (myself all of their lives-amazingly enough).

All I know is that I remember after getting married and seeing that my husband had to go to work everyday from 8-5, as I stayed home alone waiting for our son to bloom and grow inside my belly, I thought: 

"This is not what I signed up for! God I don't want to just be hone alone and not have my husband except for a few hours in the evening and weekends? I want more than this. I know it might sound ridiculous and impossible God, but I want my husband home, and I want him to be available to our children as they come into our lives."

I see that God heard my cry and He's willing to work with anyone who cries out for more, He makes a way where there seems to be NO WAY. Wow Lord God you are so faithful, thank you!

 

Don't be afraid to ask for the impossible, He wants to show you that with Him all things are possible, how awesome is that! Don't be afraid to think outside the "norm" of life and the cycles or ruts we've gotten caught up into, we may not even recognize that we are stuck in some things. Don't be afraid to ask for more than you have.

"Yeah, I would have done that differently..."

I recently have thought about how far I've come in my understanding of relationships and being real with who I am.  As a child growing up, the underlying tone of my father and most the adults in religious settings was "just obey and don't ask questions." Show good behavior, just do the right thing.  I don't know if it was just religious settings but that's where I felt it the most, personally.  Being a pretty "good girl" all my life, I knew the exact things to do and not say to keep peace with all people.

 It hadn't occurred to me that I was sacrificing who I really was, to please others.  It sorta snuck up on me.  I was watching a show in about 2004 called "Starting Over" and the life coach was trying to tell this woman that she wasn't genuine.  The girl was very insulted and was trying to prove that she was "doing" everything that the coach was requiring and didn't understand why she was saying that about being genuine.  The coach tried to describe it further, and finally she said, "You know those thoughts or opinions you have that you keep inside when someone is speaking, or acting, and you keep to yourself? That is what you genuinely feel and you need to be letting those out."

What??? Wow!  I think I am not fully genuine.  I thought as I watched.  From that moment on I gave permission to the Holy Spirit to help me find out who I really was.  I started asking Him to help me stretch in speaking out some of those things I actually think.

I remember a good example of how I used to be.  A friend of ours was sort of rhetorically saying, "I just can't seem to get the hard water stains off of the glass of my show doors."
As I listened to everything that she had tried, and hadn't been successful with, I thought, "That's weird that she doesn't know about vinegar." But didn't even think for a moment to speak out my suggestion.
Instead felt proud that I had already figured that out, and looked down on her for not knowing that yet.

I am embarrassed to even admit this as I write it, but, that's where I was.

I know that the biggest part of my growing up believing I should just obey and respect others, silenced me because I didn't want to ever be wrong, or out of line.  Fear of man became more of a power in me than who I really was.  I didn't know I could ask questions, or offer my opinion or advice, and it only furthered the gap between myself and relationship with others. I could never understand why people never got very close to me.  I had friends, but they never seemed to go as deeply as I would have liked.  Or I looked down on them because they didn't seem to want to be real, as I was so easily doing (strange deception).

All that to say, thank God He didn't leave me that way.  He called me out of my cocoon and showed me it was a safer place than I thought to be real and open and honest with others.  I have learned to ask questions, to not assume so many things. To learn from others.  To not have to have all the answers on my own.  To get more information, and come to a more realistic conclusion, including the person on my overall picture of who they were.  It has been so freeing and exhilarating to not always think the worst or take so personally things that are most often misunderstandings, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. 

I am enjoying, getting to be who I really am.  It's so much less stressful, and when I do make a mistake it feels so much more feasible to fix my mistakes instead of running, or wanting to blame someone else.  I get to be a grown up and own up to my imperfections. It feels wonderful.

"Me! Me! Me!"

  So continuing on with my testimony from last time I wrote, I have gotten more confirmation.  I don’t fully understand why some things just take a certain amount of times before they actually sink in, but thank God it’s FINALLY sinking in, being a Wife and Mom is my utmost important dream, destiny, accomplishment, etc…(after my relationship with God of course). It may not be what I am ALWAYS going to do the rest of my life, but right now this is my main focus, and time consuming ministry, that I need to be putting all of my heart into, and I am really enjoying it, in a whole new way. I would say this revelation has been getting through over the last 5 years or so, but it sure has been a process, ups and downs, and lots of forgetting and needing to be reminded again and again.  One of the main reasons being, the onslaught of attack and NOT much affirmation of the value and importance of being a wife and Mothering. In our society I would say it has been long forgotten how important it truly is, our culture basically screams, “Me! Me! Me! And how can “I” be successful, how can “I” be famous or count for something, how can “I” be fulfilled, how can “I” live my fullest potential, and not let anyone steal that from me?  But in the kingdom Jesus said, “if you want to be great, become a servant to all.”  I have thoroughly seen that I fell completely for the lie, and it can snag you even in the Christian life, cuz it’s the same thing it just uses “christianese:” “I want to live my destiny, I want to do God’s will, not focus on menial tasks at home, (cleaning house, washing dishes, wiping bums, feeding kids…) I want to be walking in “my” calling, “my” ministry,  I need to save the world, not be at home wasting “my” precious time! I need to get out of this time wasting job so I can go evangelize (meanwhile your co-workers go on not even knowing you are a Christian).

 

Well at church Sunday, Jason Hague, our associate Pastor was speaking on discipling and what does that really look like, as he gave the description of what that was: a man (Jesus) having 12 other people follow him everywhere he went, learning from His every move as he lived out loud, sometimes explaining and training.  It HIT me! Duh I am totally discipling my 4 disciples consistently and constantly every day!  And I love teaching about the Lord, not just in words but in actions.  So as I have fully embraced my “ministry” I am seeing a new found joy in the daily moments, homeschooling, playing, being silly, spending time with God, cooking, washing dishes, little chats with the kids, walks, food shopping etc…The other day I was reminded how long it had been since I danced and there sat my never ending pile of dishes, so I put on my ipod shuffle and started wildly washing dishes spinning around the kitchen kicking wildly in the air, I ended up out on the patio dancing around just fully enjoying the task at hand. I had a blast, and the dishes were almost done!  It’s amazing how much we can miss if we aren’t just in the moment giving our full attention to what we are doing, I have been stuck in the “next task” or future for so long, I have MISSED many, many, many important moments, and lessons along the way, but it’s never too late to start so I am starting again, and when I forget, I am starting again, and again and again!  There really is a war in the heavenlies for our TIME.

Bread or no bread??

So we have shifted into "normal life" and are talking about what that looks like. Whether or not to add bread and grains back at all? Organic milk or no milk? To soak or not to soak?

Sooooooo.......

Here's where we are:

2 Special Occasions a month at someone else's house or event - one serving of dessert or treat

1 special sweets occasion at home once a month

2 special coffees (full on sweetners whip cream the works! :)) unless we already did 2 special occasions then only 1

2 eat outs at Costco (my boys favorite lunch ) NO soda

Sprouted bread from Trader Joes or my homemade whole wheat or spelt bread SOAKED.  Which means you start the process the day before adding the water and some sort of kefir, apple cider vinegar, or lemon juice to the dough and you let it soak all night then finish the process the next day. It breaks down the phytic acid and breaks down the grain so that our bodies can digest it sooooo much better, and receive more of what the grain has to offer, that is now free to be absorbed into our bodies. YAY!

No more breakfast cereal for breakfast. :(  Such an easy thing, that's why I've always loved it so much for the kids. Almost all cereals have been treated with such an intense pressure or heat to form the little flakes or shapes that they are it actually makes them toxic let alone lost all of it's original nutrients, that can only be restored by adding the vitamin supplements AFTER, as a supplement to the cereal which is never as nutritious as the original living nutrients. :(

Our beautiful array of color in the window seal! Kefir water flavored, plain, granules, and a basil plant. :)

A coconut flower blackberry crumble pie, using our wild blackberries growing like crazy near our house

Soaked Quinoa patties! They were actually quite good, but for some reason I can't convince Ian to like quinoa

We have tried a few new recipes lately and enjoyed them. Tonight I have some dough soaking for bread tomorrow, and oatmeal soaking with milk kefir to eat for breakfast. It's been interesting to find out with the NEED to think in advance for all the soaking, thawing meats, preparing broths, that it has actually helped ease the planning of daily meals. I am so happy about that. BUT the negative is, if you don't plan ahead atleast a day, then you are in BIG trouble cuz there are hungry kids asking 100 times what they can eat and there is nothing EASY to just hand to them, and I am too tired to COOK anything!! aggggg!!!! So yes, there are those days, but we are still learning and I am still so excited to be feeling so much more energy and ability to fight off things that are in the air, like this latest bug that had some people sick for a few days, I could literally feel my body kicking into gear and fighting it off, and I only felt extra sleepy for a few days instead of out for the count! I was so excited. 

Oh and one of you, asked about preserving your water kefir granules.  Here's how: 

http://www.traditional-foods.com/fermentation/water-kefir-grains/


So much good information out there!