These are a few photos of my life
lately. Of course right now I am feeling like my main activity in
life is pumping milk and nursing. Thankfully fourth time around, I am
aware that this season does eventually end. However I still have to
remember to prioritize, as my Mother so wisely reminds me, my number
one goal is, to eat well myself. I have recognized how easily
that slips thru the cracks, "oh whoops I forgot to eat again." I
sometimes don't even have a moment to feel hunger, I only realize my
famished state, once I start cooking then I am rummaging through the
cupboards trying to find ANYTHING edible. Hence the importance of not
having junk food stored in those cupboards. I still have not fully
arrived in this area. We did just finish off the marshmallows in some
delicious marshmallow popcorn last night, trying to get rid of the
last sweets so that we can get back on track. "Back on track" for us lately
is one "sweet day" during the week and then weekends free to eat
sweets. It's a start. :) (My Mom would still think that's still
a lot of sweets but she's probably not fully aware of my addiction...
OK yes she is).
As I went off on that unexpected
tangent I realize that that is a big focus right now for us. Getting
healthy and being wise and realistic about the needs of our natural
bodies. I am finally aware of how food really can and does
affect my mood, my energy, my spiritual life, my wifely "privileges"
(I was gonna say duties but they aren't duties) Mothering tasks, etc,
etc, etc...
I found out recently (within the last 3
years) that I had a tendency to live in a fantasy mentality. I
began to have my eyes opened as I had a conversation with a sister
and I was putting two and two together, every month at a pretty
similar time of the month I would be extremely irritable and
impatient and grumpy with the kids and my husband...I know this might
sound silly and obvious to some of you but I was in denial that
anything "natural" like periods, food, allergies,
pregnancy, lack of sleep...had any affect on me. Only "weak"
people got affected by those things. I know it's horrible and
arrogant, and believe me a TOUGH place to be. I didn't allow
myself to feel what I really felt, and I didn't know it was OK to
have needs. So when something did affect me and I couldn't DENY it, I
would be PISSED! Yes Pissed! Cuz that would mean I was weak, not
spiritual enough, messed up, failed, got slowed down... and the list
goes on. Wow I had no idea I was so hard on myself. Well Praise
God He has continued the process of teaching me what it looks like to
be a healthy woman emotionally (yes I have emotions, I was surprised
too, and it's not bad) spiritually, and physically. It has been an
incredible journey, and STILL so much to learn.
These precious boys have opened up a whole new world to me, one of freedom, joy, disorder (they added to my already existing problem) loudness, silliness, not taking myself too seriously, love, loyalty, humor, and the list goes on and on and on and on. God definitely knew what He was doing when He gave me 3 boys. I always say that He gave me a second chance at being a better sister (now Mother) than how I handled my 3 little brothers. I had no file for boys, they are just so different than me haha. :) And I now realize, it's wonderful!
It especially cracks me up how much this little/big guy my 7 year old Ian reminds me soooooo much of my younger brother Gabriel. He challenges me always, keeps me on my toes, has a mind always churning, is one mission minded, and has the softest teddy bear heart ever! I miss you Gabe. :)
