"So would you want to marry me then?" (Part 5)

Back in the USA! We were so happy to be back!  We loved our experience in China, and it gave us a new appreciation for America as well.

It was time for our graduation from Youth With a Mission, we did it!  Now we could have guy/girl relationships! ;) And of course had an incredible mind blowing time of getting closer to God (that's another story).  So it was either the evening or the next day after graduation, Ruslan and I took a little walk together ALONE on the base.  We stopped and sat on a brick wall and Ruslan wanted to tell me that he was very serious about our relationship and that he was definitely at the point of not pursuing any other girl, he had only desire for me (blush :)).  Now this is the embarrassing part, like I mentioned before I still dealt a lot with fear of making mistakes and fear of rejection, so I needed to be 100% sure this was the right thing to do.  That being said,  I listened to what he said, and felt so touched and excited, yet still a lot afraid, because I knew how serious he was, and this was the real deal.  So I responded:
"I really like you too and I definitely want to get to know you more and see where this will lead.  I don't know if I can promise the same to you yet (sweating inside)???  I need to see where this goes."
As perfectly calm as he was the first time, he very cooly replied,
"Well, I need an answer from you by tomorrow.  Because I am not waiting around while you decide, again."
I totally understood, and felt really embarrassed, nervous, even a little angry that he would request that of me, and confused all at the same time.  We said goodnight and I went back to my room.  I prayed and cried, and sought God's advice, and realized this guy is very patient with me.  I better not be stupid a second time around! There was no way I was losing him again. "So fear you better shut up!"

Jessica and Jessica, it was a great night of missions, a lot of fun

The next morning I was antsy and ready to tell Ruslan the good news! I was in!  I found him quickly and told him I was in and I wanted us to pursue this relationship.  He was of course, relieved and we talked about some details of our next steps.  He told me that he was considering whether or not to go back home to Lithuania for a while, or go livc with his uncle in Sacramento, of course I was rooting for Sacramento.  I told him of my plans to do the extended night of missions where we would travel around the west coast to different churches and do evangelism and prayer.  Which would be in the following 2 weeks, lasting for about 4 weeks. 

Ruslan fasted and prayed and really struggled with what to do, but he finally felt the Lord leading him to Sacramento (Praise God!) and I felt that I was to go home for a couple months, after the night of missions and possibly come back to YWAM in April to do the leadership school, in 1999.  We decided we would correspond via snail mail and when possible, phone.  It was a stretching time for me to be away from him for so long, but also good to realize even more how much I cared for him.  I even did a little test, in my heart with the Lord.  We were taking a little hike with the team on night of missions and I lost my bracelet from Ruslan that he had given me ( a homemade leather strap with beads that he had given to me for fun, earlier), and I was worried that it was a "sign,"(yes I was a little too superstitious in my religious thinking)  that maybe I wasn't supposed to be with him.  I started feeling sad and worried that I might have to let go, or break off the relationship, I was going through all of this in my head as we walked.  On the way back from the hike, I was asking the Lord if Ruslan was the one for me,  and told him that I was willing to lay down my heart desires if it wasn't from God, and literally at the same moment, I happened to look down, and right in front of me lay the bracelet!  I took it as a confirmation!

In December I ended up staying in Eugene, Oregon with my awesome siblings, Autumn and Doug for a while and then Josh and Karen.  Ruslan decided he wanted to take a bus to come and see me and we would travel to Cedarville,Ca together to visit my hometown. Once we arrived in Cedarville it was Christmas eve and we went to eat at our local restaurant, The Country Hearth (where I used to work), Ruslan bought me a nice dinner and for some reason my stomach was so nervous.  We ended up talking about our desires and possible future together, and we both agreed that we would want to get married someday, so at that point that was when he said, "So would you want to marry me then?" 
"Yes, I would." I couldn't contain my smile from ear to ear.
He asked me if in my culture we do the ring at the engagement?  I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I told him yes, usually you have a ring at the "engagement asking," he apologized for not having one but promised, he would get right on that. :)
Funny thing is my sister Sarah was our server that night, so when she returned to check our drink levels, she was the first person to find out we were engaged!!!

Does he look a little nervous surrounded by the Rivas family?

This was on the way to Cedarville from Eugene

We walked home floating on air, the stars were shining extra bright and the freezing cold wind was music in my ears, I still couldn't believe I was going to marry this man.  When we got home that night I immediately told mom, and she was so excited for us.  She immediately went into her room and got out her journal from 8 months earlier, and showed me the day the Lord spoke to her, that Ruslan would be my future husband. I was so ecstatic, this was a dream come true.  Both Ruslan and I were shocked at Mom's journal but also very thankful for such a confirmation of this next HUGE step.

This is the end of our "meeting love story" but of course there is so much more that has come of this love in the last 13 and a half years, through good times and some very bad times, I think I will have to continue this story some day, for you to see, what happens after the perfect love story becomes some of your greatest challenges? And how we got through.

Why am I doing this????

OK being totally honest... today only 4 days into this cleanse I am asking myself why?????, along with ALL of my boys having to ask forgiveness for being so mad at me for starting us on this cleanse hahaha :(

It amazes me how quickly I forget the purpose of something when I REALLY don't like the affect it is having on me.  Food is such a comfort thing for me as well, so it's messing with my mood, comfort, physical body, attitude etc..I felt like as we started this we would be recognizing other areas in our life where we started becoming lazy or unintentional.  One thing I recognize is that being in a hurry or always thinking of future plans etc...it makes me want to skip out on the present.  Not valuing my body or my children's bodies, because I get so caught up in other tasks, goals, fun activities (which isn't bad), bringing hope and truth to "others,"etc... I lose site of what's right in front of me and where most of my focus should be right now, my children and my husband, and God.

Already one of my fears is when we get through the cleanse we will just too quickly jump back into bad habits...So I am trying to form a plan that is realistic and not extreme, but wise as well.  Here are a few new guidelines I have thought of so far:

1- No more processed cereals for breakfast, except maybe weekends we can have granola or frosted shredded wheat (because I found out that even those are not as healthy as I thought - because they are cooked with dry heat and not soaked first to rid the oats of the phytic acid that is really hard for our bodies to digest and inhibits the absorption of calcium, iron, magnesium, iron, and zinc ) I know some of this stuff is so overwhelming and ANNOYING, why can't eating just be easy and whatever we want?? :(  Again that's the lazy part of me speaking, I just have to get creative to have a system going so that it doesn't feel like I am always having to do these huge processes for cooking a meal

2 - No more sugary maple syrup on our pancakes or waffles, switch to 100% pure maple syrup (way more expensive :(  )






3 - No more sodas with our Costco hot dogs :(  Which is probably my poverty thinking, but I can't stand to still pay the $1.50 even though we aren't getting the soda too,  cuz it's the same price either way...but as I write that again I see $1.50 is still a GREAT price for a huge hot dog! :)
 You liar POVERTY thinking! so there! :)





4 - candy, pastries, cakes, donuts, WAY less often, starting with once a month???
5- Honey in our coffee instead of sugar which we don't mind that's how we like it unless we re out we were using sugar but then I was noticing how often we were out ordering coffee, oops :)

My Very First Blog!

I have decided to start blogging our lives, the Kalashnikov's, that is. I have never blogged before, but I hear it's the new thing to do ;). Anyway I am going to try and update it weekly, we shall see how I do????
I have just been thinking a lot about how much we, humans, can tend to keep to ourselves. I notice how I forget that there are so many people out there who would be happy to help or encourage or hear what I have to say or share, or pray with us and for us. People who also want to be a part of someone else's world. Thus came my desire to blog.
We are in the process of so many things it feels like and no one is even aware. I love to have encourager's along the way, supporters who remind us why we should continue to persevere in the goals that we have. People who tell us to go ahead, “take that leap of faith!' So here I am I hope I have at least one reader who will be willing to join us on our journey, and I hope that one reader will be so encouraged and uplifted that he/she will pass on my blog and that reader will also do the same and so on and so forth, until the WHOLE WORLD knows about the Kalashnikov Clan updates! Hey who said I couldn't dream big! Right??!!!
OK I realize a blog shouldn't be too long cuz I will lose you right away. So for now I will tell you what we are doing right this moment. We are on our way to North Carolina tomorrow (it is 11:30 PM right now) to go to a conference called “Pursue, Overtake, Recover ALL,” I love that title! My awesome Mom is watching all three boys so that we can go, thank You Lord for Moms! I am also planning on asking Mahesh Chavda if he would be willing to write a blurb for my book that I am writing, I Survived the 40 Day Fast (and you can too), I may not even get a chance to talk to him but I am praying there will be an opportunity, I have my letter of request all ready and I am also praying I don't chicken out because who am I to get Mahesh Chavda to do a blurb for me??? Well hopefully that scripture comes into play “You have not because you ask not.” I'd appreciate your prayers for favor favor favor! Thanks.